time the eternal revelator

I've been dealing repeatedly with 'the darkside'. this happens usually after extended periods of staring at a blank Final Draft document. Also, I've come to realize that I often meander down that dark, horribly narrow road after I talk about my film ideas. this is a pretty bad sign, right?

Last semester, I was so open to whatever comments I got. I didn't get upset once - as I remember - but now because of the heightened stakes and the mounting pressure, I feel completely and totally lost in oblivion. I've written about 15 drafts, thrown out an entire script idea, wrote various character biographies, listened to many songs that ere supposed to inspire me, visited a thousand different coffee shops thinking its what i need to write, and finally cried endlessly to a couple different people, including my entire writing class.

now, if you know me, i'm not often crying. i think i'm in an emotional hole where sometimes I feel like the only solution is to buy a plane ticket to Southern India, and ride a motorcycle around with some random strangers from Venezuela. This sounds ultimately perfect for my state of mind, but also like i might be completely missing the point.

I realize that in these moments, where you sit in a barren landscape of creative emptiness (dramatic writing, yes!), that these moments are actually really essential. I think that when things come so easy all the time that in fact the work suffers. And, more importantly the artist suffers because they never go deeper than the immediate and they never grow from the difficulty of working through an idea.

OK, so thats positive. I'm trying to consistently remind myself of positive affirmation because so many people i know are incredibly negative, all the time, and not only will this not allow you to learn from the mistakes you make but also ages you.

I'm working now. I'm going to positively finish a draft this weekend. I WILL.