merry christmas!

desert cold

i've decided i don't want to put my little movie up here right now. eh. over it, very ready to move on. perhaps, if you visit us we can all sit around and watch it while drinking copious amounts of RED WINE. my critique went really well though. i've never had such on point and well said criticism in my life. it was super helpful and inspiring.... so anyways, not going up right now. maybe later when i'm happier with it.

beyond all that noise, i'm in los angeles till the 6th of january. might go to peru too. thats a random new thing i learned when i got home. my family is going to peru and didn't really let me know, so i think they felt bad and invited me. my dad started an NGO in the peruvian andes to protect the watershed, because clean water is a big commodity in peru. so, maybe be back on the 6th maybe not.

i wish i could keep better track of posting on this thing. it's truly a lazy thing when i don't, which is disturbing to me. i hate laziness more than anything. "what are the two most common human traits?" "i dunno, what?" "fear and laziness"

i'd say thats probably correct when you look at all the problems we invent.

anyways, la is nice right now. i like being here, beyond being insanely broke. my very good girlfriends are here too which makes me happy. tonite is Caitlins tasting premier of her and Ola's new catering company Salty and the Swede which i'm thrilled to announce. i love swedish food... mmmsters.

take on me

today is my evaluation. poops. intense. i sit in front of 25 professors and they supposedly berate you the entire time and you're not allowed to speak. rad. tons of beer later for sure.

i'll post my little piece later this week. more pictures of star status dave later too.

xoxo

mystery cab, grave diggers and a black cauldron

too much nothing

all we've done is watch tv for the past four days. so gross. over it. being broke is such a bummer in ny. everything seems to revolve around money lately. i'm grateful for my nice apartment thats comfy n clean and has a little kitty kicking it in it. we tried to teach her how to use the toilet recently and she thoroughly denied it. sucks. its the one thing i hate about cats.

i show my film to my class tomorrow nite. we'll see how it goes. its not finished, just a very rough cut.

TRIUMPH

an adopted name

Discovering so many sentimental things lately. i think its the weather. its cold and dark out and its hardly 5 o'clock. i've spent some time thinking about the temporal nature of everything, especially relationships. things move so quick. when i turned 24, four people i knew in my life passed away. one after the other, two at a time. when i remember them, i always remember them laughing because that was when they were most beautiful. any negative parts of them i have somehow stored in a place that eventually disintegrates, and i think thats probably good, because they're gone and there's no need to judge them.
its amazing that i'm here and that i'm in this very committed relationship. its been 2 years, which is crazy to me. sometimes i look around our apartment and get scared. i don't how normal that is, but i think it goes along with the temporarlity of things. dave always says 'change is the only thing constant in our lives' and thats something i haven't thought about enough.
i ran across a friends blog and became very quiet. i've been reading it for the past hour, and its been this odd combination of feelings, generally melancholic and nostalgic. he's constantly traveling to random towns and living and working at places like the waffle house or something just to try a different sort of life. sometimes i feel like i'm wasting time, and i had a definite feeling of loss as i read his stories. i would never do what he does, but i wish i had the balls too try something like it. i'm constantly preparing for some time in the future where things will become solidified. i don't mean solidified in the sense of a house and family (please, not so generic) (not to judge those who aspire for this, however), but perhaps more about success, which is very ethereal.

---
i stepped outside this morning, into
the cold stark ocean of traffic from
the near by expressway
i found kids toys broken on the ground,
two small vintage plates
a microwave
and shoe
laying lonely in the cement, left
and forgotten.
these things bring memories
of sitting for hours, on my old porch
in shorts and tank top, put on me by my mother, who is soaking beans
in the kitchen.
i'm staring to the street, past the sidewalk that meets the lawn
boys ride by, call my name
men drive by, i avert my eyes
the women, in the neighborhood, are dragging furniture out to the street
things no longer needed,
by dwindling families
and i remember, feeling sad, for objects
whose gloomy, limp parts, broken and abused, sat waiting
for their end